obliviateamores: (draco)
[personal profile] obliviateamores
It has been over a year since I have posted anything on here. Wow. My life got busier and busier, plus a bit of weird, and various mental health problems. I have kind of been hiding in a virtual hole for a long time now due to those, and I want to start poking my head out again. So, I'm hopefully going to be posting a bit more, reading more, etc. etc., and generally come back to using LJ again after this break.

I also want to write more again. My unfinished fic folder has pieces in it than my finished one. It's not good. I ended up dropping out of/flaking on a few fests before I stopped using LJ, which I still feel incredibly guilty about (seriously, so bad) so I don't think I'm going to do any more fests for a while. However, I have the fics I started for some of those, plus a massively, massively overdue fic for [livejournal.com profile] this_bloody_cat which I am finally working on again! Hopefully, you will see it soon. I'm so sorry it's taken me (checks...) oh god, nearly two years. Oh Christ. Sorry.

Part of the problem I always have with writing is always feeling unsatisfied. I look at something I wrote even just days ago, and it feels like it's utter shite. I never know how much of that is accurate, and how much of it is my hyper-critical nature and low self-esteem (even writing this post feels unnecessarily narcissistic). I always resolve to just put more of what I write, but hardly ever actually have. I'm going to try and be better at that now.

My mental health (to sum up briefly, mostly depression, with a little anxiety thrown in just for fun) has also made writing a lot harder. My head feels full all the time, and writing for me is often an exercise in clearing my mind and sublimating my own identity to allow the characters and narrative to be my most important thoughts. This has felt almost impossible, but when I do achieve it, I often end up feeling quite a bit better afterwards. So part of what I'm going to try to do is just make more time when I sit down and try to write, in the hope that will help me.

So, I'm going to be floating around a bit more! Also, I'm looking for a beta now I'm trying to write more, so if you fancy volunteering even just for a short thing, that would be incredible! I'm happy to offer my beta-ing services to anyone as well, should they be required - self-professed grammar nerd here.
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